Hello Dolly (1969)

A few questions come to mind when watching "Hello, Dolly!" Like, "Why?" And, "Why why why?" And also, "Why, God, why?" Most notably, though, the main question is, "How?" They had one of the greatest musicals ever performed on a stage. It has a hilarious story and incredibly infectious songs. It was directed by a musical behemoth. It was co-written by one of the greatest screenwriters of all-time. It had a great cast, and even an appearance by Louis Armstrong. So, where did this movie go wrong?

     The plot concerns a Yonkers professional matchmaker by the name of Dolly Levi. She is that woman you know, the kind that always feels she is doing justice to society by adjusting the rules to her liking. This is a character that the audience usually grows tired with during the show's length (remember that God-awful matchmaker in "Fiddler on the Roof"?), but the twist here is that she is also finding a suitor for herself.

     We meet the large cast of characters (is it musical law that no cast of characters can be small?), which include her suitor-to-be Horace Vandergelder, a "well-known, unmarried, half-a-millionaire", his employees, Cornelius and Barnaby, and the objects of their affection, Irene and Minnie Fay. What follows is a swarming beehive of mistaken identities, trips to New York City, dancing waiters, and of course, that unforgettable theme song.

     So again, how could one of the all-time audience pleasers turn out to be such a dud? Well, let's take a lesson in Movie Musicals 101. When a musical is performed on stage, everything is big, and bold, and bright, so that the people sitting in the fourth balcony, holding a tissue up to their nosebleed can still figure out what's going on. However, in a movie, things change. Suddenly, every reaction is shown on an enormous screen. Nosebleeds? Forget that. You can see the actor's nose hairs!

     The big problem with the film of "Hello, Dolly!" is that nobody seems to realize that there's a camera five feet from them, recording their every movement. Everything is played to the grandest level possible, and that makes for extreme cinematic overkill. Streisand (too young for the role), Matthau (too dull to be desirable), and Crawford (too...much) have all been better elsewhere. The only parts that truly deserve merit are Michael Kidd's wonderful choreography, and the appearance by Louis Armstrong during the title show-stopper. However, both are incredibly short.

     Perhaps the biggest mystery behind "Hello, Dolly!" was its initial screen acclaim. Fueled by the 20th Century Fox press machine, it ended up getting nominated for the Best Picture Oscar. In 1969, no less! This was the year that "Easy Rider" and "The Wild Bunch" got horrible snubs. People talk about injustice in the Academy now? Let me tell you something, people. It has always been around.

Jeremy Gable